10 Cartoon Characters You Totes Had a Crush On

It’s #mancrushmonday and I decided to bring some attention to the ones that don’t get enough, the animated ones. If you can look at yourself in the mirror and tell me that you did not have a crush on a cartoon character than you’re a liar and we literally can’t be friends. There are plenty of animated studs who could get it from Disney to Nickelodeon the possibilities are endless. I would like personally thank each and every animator for blessing my television screen with these incredible pieces eye candy.

*in no particular order*

 

Prince Eric – Little Mermaid 

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I totally get why Ariel would trade away her voice for a pair of legs like come on look at him. Those eyes are so blue they put the Atlantic to shame, I’ve never seen a character with such incredible bone structure like will you look at that chin. Prince Eric brings tall, dark, and handsome to life and I am ready to dive in. He also has cute dog whats cuter than watching a guy play around all day on the beach with a dog, nothing, ABSolutely, nothing. (I’m highlighting the fact that Eric definitely has a six back underneath that deep V cotton shirt, so Nauti, Prince Eric, so fucking Nauti) Did we also forget to mention forget that he is a sailor but not just a sailor he’s the Captain. Literally whats hotter than a guy who can sail boats and is in charge? Nothing. Ariel even though you totally changed your whole life for a guy which is totally not chic I can’t say I wouldn’t do the same. You do you girl.

 

Flynn Rider – Tangled

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I like can’t even begin to explain how attracted I am to this fictional character. Disney, whatever you are doing do not stop. That face, those big brown eyes, and he has the most perfect shine to his hair that even the models in a Pantene commercial want. That catch is he is a thief  but the only thing he has stolen from me is my heart. He is Disney’s bad boy, the guy your Mom warned you about, the guy your friends tell you won’t change. Well, LISTEN UP he changed for Rapunzel so fuck you and your opinions and fuck you Rapunzel for doing the impossible and if you didn’t already cut your hair off I totally would have done it because I’m so jealous.

 

Li Shang – Mulan

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Disney, like where do you find these animators and can they please draw me or something like the fuck. Li Shang is a legit stud. He is a man with a plan and whats more attractive than someone who has their whole life figured out when you can’t even decided what to eat for lunch. Mulan, totally got good karma for protecting her dad and saving China by having this hunk by her side. He is an ABSolute beast and sPECtacular solider, literally nothing hotter than a man in uniform. Mulan, baby, your ancestors have spoken and have graced you with this piece beef on a stick your reflection couldn’t be better honey. Werk.

 

 

Danny Phantom – (both human and ghost)

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I am going to stray away from Disney for like a sec and mention this slice that Nickelodeon gave us. By day, Danny, is the boy next door that every girl and closeted guy in your high school would have a crush on. I would know because I did. He lives an average life, has friends that are annoying as fuck, a super weird family but like he’s uber cute so you totally forget all that and date him anyway. Well, lucky you because you are also dating a badass superhero which is totally hot. Ghost Danny is a total GILF with those glowing green eyes and that hair spike you just want to run your fingers through, uggh. DANNY PHANTOM PLEASE HAUNT ME! 

 

 

Johnny Bravo

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Johnny Bravo is my ideal man – big and dumb. I literally can’t even deal with how perfect he is. Who doesn’t like a guy that you can boss around because you have a superior intelligence and he would be easy to manipulate. Although your friends and family will say he does not bring something to the table intellectually he has bring a banging body and thats better than anything I can think of. From that perfect hair flip to that tight black tshirt, Johnny Bravo, is a complete stud. My only problem with him is that we would totally be fighting over who can use the mirror in the bathroom and he totes skips leg day at the gym.

 

 

Doug Funny – Doug

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Okay, okay, before you jump down my throat I am well aware at how unattractive  Doug is but I am going to get soft here for a second. Look me in the eye and tell me you would not want to be loved by a guy how Doug loves Patti. That’s right you do. He is like our first Nicholas Sparks giving us a false hope of love. I totally thought I would have a guy dedicating his Journal to me by now but I can’t even get a guy to text me back. FUCK YOU DOUG FUNNY FOR GIVING ME FALSE HOPE!  Doug is a nerd and might be balding at 13 but he knows how to show a girl love and thats a total turn on. Write about me in your journal, Doug, and maybe I’ll buy you a new sweater vest.. maybe. Doug might not be a looker but he is a lover and that might be most important. However even I can’t say I wouldn’t dump Doug and break his heart because well he’s ugly…. sorry not sorry.

 

 

Grown Up Andy – Toy Story 3

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I will never forget the day I walked into Toy Story 3 and saw that Andy grew up to be a fine piece of ass. I thought it would be all about Buzz and Woody but Andy was the real star of the show. Like Pixar I was not ready for him, warn a bitch when you decided to pull a stunt like this again. His hair is that perfect shade of brown totally complimented his blue green eyes. Cue Adele’s Chasing Pavements this aint lust baby this is love. Andy was now college ready and I wanted nothing more than to spend a night on his Twin XL bed while his roommate was home for Columbus Day Weekend. (Andy played with dolls he’s totally gay.) My only problem with him is that he dresses like shit I mean come why does he look like a dad at a barbecue, Pixar give Andy a pair of sperrys and then he is PERF.

 

Nick – Jimmy Neutron

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Probably one of the most forgettable characters to hit TV screens but, Nick, baby I will never forget you. Are you Italian? Mexican? I don’t really give a fuck I’m digging your whole vibe. Look at that skin, a perfect tan, that gelled back hair, and he accessorizes! OMG! I love a guy who can pay attention to detail, even if that is a Cheerio on a string he’s making it work. I appreciate you, Nick.  He is so mysterious always just appearing and skateboarding away leaving every girl (and me) breathless on the playground. Nick gave off some serious swag. Fuck that bitch he kissed though she was around a 4 and Nick a 7 hovering an 8.

 

T.J. Detweiler – Recess

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I am 97% sure that T.J. was my first crush. He was literally a cutie. The backwards hat, the sports coat, his freckles omg I’m melting. To this day I still try to get my hair to poke out that back of a hat like that. (Fun Fact- named my pet turtle after him) I loved T.J. he was so cute and stocky and a great leader he was bound to inherit the playground and I totally wanted to be his first lady. My only problem was that bitch Spinelii I still don’t get what he saw in her because I know what were all thinking… LESBIAN. Lose the beanie, Spinel, that look is so over done.

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Ew 

 

 

John Smith – Pocahontas 

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Like can we just take a minute to look at him. I like can’t. That blonde hair, the blue eyes, his chin like wow. WOW. (side note I didn’t realize I had a thing for animated chins till legit a second ago) John Smith is a regulation hottie and rounds off my list. Come on he’s explorer AND European that’s so hot. Literally paint me like the colors of the wind, your European cultured fuck. How tall does your Sycamore grow, John? Literally I need to know. Like how did Pocahontas land such a babe. If I were in her village I totally would have spread a mean rumor about her to all the other explores so I could land a trip back Europe and kiss that teepee life goodbye.

 

 

Well there it is my list of animated hotties you totally want to bone. Do you agree with my list? Did yours make the cut? Did I forget some crucial ones let me know we can always revamp this list but I do know your sitting here now looking at all these computer generated studs wishing they were real. Hope this made your Monday better bitches.

 

xo Mike

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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